Last Updated: The date of your last concern.
Introduction
At Nullfolio.com ("we," "us," "the Company," or "the Absence Provider"), we are committed to a policy of minimal data collection, because doing more would be doing something. This Privacy Policy exists not because we are eager to share details, but because various regulations require us to. We will attempt to make this as painless as possible.
In short: We collect as little as possible to take your money and then, as per our core service, we largely do nothing with it.
1. The Information We Do Not Collect
In the spirit of our service, we proudly refrain from collecting the following:
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Extensive Personal Data: We do not need to know your life story.
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Browsing Habits: We are not watching what you do elsewhere. That would be effort.
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Location Data: We do not care where you are.
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Social Media Information: We will not connect to your profiles.
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Any other data that requires significant effort to process.
2. The Information We (Regrettably) Must Collect
To facilitate the profound inaction you have paid for, we are forced to collect a minimal amount of data.
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Information You (Almost) Directly Provide: This includes your email address (to send you a confirmation of your subscription to nothing) and payment information (so our payment processor can facilitate the transfer of funds for services not rendered).
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Information Collected Automatically (With Minimal Enthusiasm): Like virtually every website, our server may passively collect your IP address and browser type. We will mostly ignore this information.
3. How We Use Your Information (Spoiler: Barely)
We use the minimal information we collect for strictly limited purposes:
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To Provide Our Service of Nothing: To create your account, process your payment, and send you your confirmation of inactivity.
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To Fulfill a Legal Obligation: If a government entity forces us to do something, we may be compelled to comply. We resent this as much as you do.
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To (Not) Send You Marketing Materials: We will not add you to marketing lists. That would be a direct violation of our core mission.
4. How We Share Your Information (We Don't, Unless Forced)
Our business is built on inaction. Actively sharing your data contradicts our entire ethos.
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With Our Payment Processor: We must share your payment information with them so they can process the transaction. They have their own privacy policies, which we encourage you to not read.
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When Legally Compelled: If presented with a legally binding order, we may be forced to surrender what little data we have. We will do so with a sense of profound resignation.
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We do not sell, trade, rent, or otherwise disseminate your data to third parties. The effort required is simply too great.
5. Data Security
We employ a state-of-the-art security protocol known as "Having Very Little Data to Steal." The data we do have is stored with a level of security commensurate with the effort required to obtain it—which is to say, we use standard, basic protections and hope for the best.
6. Your Rights (Which Require You to Do Something)
You may have certain rights regarding your data, such as the right to access, correct, or delete it. To exercise these rights, you must contact us, thereby initiating an action. This is deeply ironic.
Please note: If you request the deletion of your data, we may no longer be able to provide you with our service of doing nothing, as we will have no record of your subscription. The ultimate consequence of your data deletion will be... nothing.
7. Changes to This Privacy Policy
We reserve the right to change this policy, though it is unlikely we will muster the energy to do so. If we do, the changes will be posted here, and we will make no active effort to inform you.
8. Contact Us (Please Don't)
If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy—which would require us to take action—you may attempt to contact us at support@nullfolio.com We may not respond.